Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize