She's JV to your varsity
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
