My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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