My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
