she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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