I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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