I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize