i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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