I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
