Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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