You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
