Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
