I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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