just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
