your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
