Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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