I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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