We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize