I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
