I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
