She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
