Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
