Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
