I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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