They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
