You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
