if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
