Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
