Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
