me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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