Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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