It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
