Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
