that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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