So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
