I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
