We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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