I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
