OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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