I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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