We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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