That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
