i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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