the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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