I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
