You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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