I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
