She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
