a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
