Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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