My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
