You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
