Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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