this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
