At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Randomize
