Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
