Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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