i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
