Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
