we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
