Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
