Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
