I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
