Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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