the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
