We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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