I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
