Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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