5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
