Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize