If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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