At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
