I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
