I seem to have left my pride at pride
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize