Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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