We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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