Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
