Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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