His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
